21 Aug 2008

Solutions to the iPhone 3G energy crisis

I have the new iPhone 3G, and it is wonderful in so many ways: fast Internet, great mail integration, revolutionary app store, global reach of distribution, amazing polish... but. But.

This has been said a jazillion trillion quadrillion times already on every blog, tweet, IM, and stone engraving in the past forty days, but I've got to say it too: the iPhone 3G's battery performance sucks. It really, really does. Activating the 3G network means that the battery drains in a matter of hours, and even without it turned on it barely makes it through a 24-hour period without running out of juice. It is a power hog, 3G or no 3G, plain and simple. A single charging cable is not enough, because if you leave it at home, you'll need it at work, and vice-versa.

But I'm not just bitching, no, I'm a man of action, and I'm proposing real solutions for the energy crisis with the iPhone 3G. Below are my practical proposals for powering your iPhone 3G while you're on the go.

Toshiba miniature nuclear reactor
Miniature nuclear reactor
Micro hydroelectric facility
small hydroelectric facility
NASA solar power satellite
space-based solar array with
microwave power transmission
Mule with mill
mule team and hand-wired dynamo
Coal-fired steam generator
coal-burning steam turbine
diet Coke and Mentos eruption
diet Coke and Mentos

Yes, someday soon Apple will release a firmware update that lets you turn 3G on and off in less than eight steps. Heck, they might even go buck wild and have it automatically switch to 3G when the bandwidth is needed, and back to Edge when not. (Crazy talk, I know!) But until that fine day, use the handy hints above to keep your iPhone running during that extended period while you walk from your house to your car.


Adolfo said...

awww the mule team...lol! very funny!

Vrsoul said...

That was Great lmao